Hands holding light

When You Just Don’t Know What To Do

Lately, I’ve found myself saying the same thing over and over and over again to God. Today, was no exception.

Lord, I don’t know what to do about my dreams.

Lord, I don’t know what to do about my student debt.

Lord, I don’t know what to do about publishing my book.

Lord, I don’t know what to do about getting a car.

Lord, I don’t know what to do about our relationship.

Lord, I don’t know, I don’t know, I DON’T KNOW!

With every concern that came into my head, there were no answers… there were just statements of confusion, moments of anxiety, and a feeling of hopelessness that began to settle in around me. I then started to feel guilty because I know that I am incredibly blessed in what I do have. This realization, however, just made me mutter to myself, “Lord, I don’t know what to do about my worries and this guilt.”

All of these worries consumed my thoughts in the twenty-minute walk to work, making it feel like a trek. I finally arrived at work and was grateful for the distraction, but on the way home the questions started up again.

Now some people say, “God has a plan for your life,” and this is great advice; but I am a person who likes to plan, to have an answer for everything, and who is always thinking ten steps ahead. Right now, it feels as if ten steps in either direction is going to result in falling off a cliff and bringing the people I care about most, tumbling down after me.

So, I find myself realizing even more so, that the only thing I can do is give it to God. But… it is just plain hard. I know the truths of the Bible. I know what I need to do. Putting it into practice is just another story and one where I can’t predict the ending.

I was reading a blog by Kris Vallotton a few weeks back. While reading it, something he wrote slapped me across the face, which I am now grateful for because I was reminded of it today.

In response to Psalm 119:105, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path,” he wrote, “This scripture demonstrates that there are seasons when all you know is the next step (He’s a lamp to our feet ), and other seasons when you can see far out to where you’re going (He’s a light to our path).”

When I was a young child, I read and reread and memorized this verse. Now 20 years later, I feel like I am finally learning what it means. Right now, it feels as if I am in a season where God is a light to my feet. He is leading me, guiding me, and directing me. I have to have faith that He is pointing me in the right direction, however, and will clear my path of any obstacles, whether it is going before me with a heavenly bulldozer or standing beside me as I tackle them head-on. I am also learning that I am a person who much prefers to see the entire path, which is so much easier, less terrifying, and requires a different level of faith. Of course…

Having faith in God is not just about believing that He is capable of doing incredible things. It’s a given. We can look at nature as our daily reminder of that. I think it’s also about believing that He is willing to do amazing things in our lives. That He WANTS to fulfill His promises, help us live a life that is more spectacular than we could imagine, and answer the tough questions through blessings, mercy, and grace. If we know that He is willing and believe that this willingness comes from a place of unconditional love for us, it may get easier to hand over the hard stuff, instead of carrying it around day after day.

Whether you are in a season where you can see the entire path or a season where only the tips of your toes are visible, God is there, and He is leading you. And, good news…He HAS A LIGHT!

I know that during this season, I need to focus on the light that God is using to cast away the dark even if I wish it were a bit brighter and more illuminating.